There’s a New Grumpy Cat in Town, and She Is Grumpier Than You Could Ever Imagine

Grumpy Cat 2: Grump Harder

Jack Shepherd
Published in
5 min readJun 10, 2020

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Photos: Grumpy Kitzia

Once in a generation, a new cat rises from amongst the mewling feline masses with the talent, the drive, and the resilience to claw her way to lasting fame and glory. The abilities required to reach such dizzying heights differ from cat to cat — for Maru, it was a preternatural gift for the art of the cardboard box; for Shironeko, it was a Zen-like patience that allowed him to outwait and outlast his rivals. Lil Bub shocked the world with her kindness and her quiet grace; and Grumpy Cat brought the universe to its knees with a dedication to extreme grumpiness that had never before been seen.

Until now.

Now we have Kitzia, the Grumpiest Cat of All. Cantankerous Queen. Priestess of Petulance. She is our Ornery Overlord and we must bow down before her. To Kitzia, Grumpy Cat is a ray of sunshine, a beam of light, a friendly smile on a warm day. If Kitzia were ever to meet Grumpy Cat, she would tell her to wipe the smile off her face. Let us now count the ways in which we must praise this peevish princess and celebrate her churlishness.

She Is Grumpy About Mornings

Kitzia is so grumpy in the mornings that the sun turns right around and goes back to…

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Jack Shepherd
Tenderly

I have a newsletter about crossword puzzles and a podcast about rom-coms. Formerly editorial director @BuzzFeed. Email: JackAShepherd at gmail