Shelter Pet Reviews #2

Aramis, June Bug, Ronnie, Sebbie, Jade, and Wylie

We’ve got a hunk on our hands!

Welcome back to Shelter Pet Reviews (aka Elisapets because I’m Elisabeth and they’re pets, get it, is this catching on yet, are we cool?). Next time, I swear, there will be cats. But this time, it’s more good, good shelter dogs in Portland, Oregon, plus Pet Sommelier™ recommendations for similar pals elsewhere in the U.S.

This week, we sample a robust Rottie mix, a slightly acidic Maltese, a pair of sweet, earthy lab/pits, and more!

Aramis, 2, Spaniel Mix

The name “Aramis” comes from The Three Musketeers. As we all know and didn’t just learn on Wikipedia, the literary Aramis was known for his devotion to the church, his love of women, and his thirst for power. The canine Aramis showed reverent admiration for extra-stinky treats, receiving them as gently as communion. He seemed a bit shelter-shocked, but I’d wager a purse of pistoles that he’ll open up at home. Even the best shelter in the world (and this is one of them) is overwhelming, full of weird smells, loud noises, and jerks taking your picture when you’re just trying to chillax, s’il vous plaît! The highlight of our time together was when Aramis slowly raised his leg to grant skritching access to his inner flank. Was the literary Aramis this much of a flirt? Rhetorical question, obviously I know the answer because of reading.

Rating: This dog is a gentleman. Five out of five snifters of bourbon.

Rescue if you like (RIYL): Prix fixe dining; the quiet car on the train; historical adventure novels written in 1844 by French author Alexandre Dumas.

Dog Sommelier: Shy guys like Aramis often benefit from being around other dogs. If you’re looking to form your own group of musketeers but Aramis is too far away, check out Bubbles and her sister Blossom in Kansas City.

June Bug, 1, Rottweiler Mix

Y’ever meet someone you think is kind of aloof and write them off as a snob, but later you have an interaction — say, over a couple glasses of wine at a work event — and realize that they’re secretly funny, warm, and wise once you get to know them in the right context? In fact, maybe you were the one being a jerk, and you’ll even admit it to them now that they’re your new best friend. That’s June Bug, who seemed utterly disinterested at first, turning her head and refusing to take a treat. But once we hit the walking trail, she was goofy and companionable, chasing butterflies and turning around to make sure I was still at the other end of the leash. Like all respectable Rottweilers, she’s mastered the art of the slow ramble. She’s gonna be somebody’s perfect summer girlfriend.

Rating: This beautiful weirdo! Five out of five perfectly styled brows.

RIYL: Long walks with no destination; passing notes in class; Linda Ronstadt on the beach.

Dog Sommelier: Rottie mixes often end up in shelters because they get so darn big, and despite being great family dogs, they carry some breed stigma. Here’s a sweet gal named Missy available for adoption in North Carolina.

Ronnie and Sebbie, 8 months, Lab/pit X

These two aren’t listed as a bonded pair but good luck leaving either one of them behind. Ronnie (L) practically tried to crawl into my mouth as soon as I sat down in the kennel, paws on my shoulders, face nuzzled allllll the way in to my neck. It’s hard to resist such effusive affection, but Sebbie’s more measured approach won my heart: tentative, mindful, like she was waiting for consent before rubbing her face all over my face. Once we appraised each other and mutually agreed to snug, she was right there beside her kennelmate, a full-body flop and writhe that I never wanted to end.

Rating: Truly, you have not lived until you’ve had a lap full of pitbull puppies. Ten out of ten weighted blankets bought off Instagram ads.

RIYL: Family bands; companion fares; “Anything You Can Do” from Annie Get Your Gun.

Dog sommelier: Ronnie and Sebbie found homes here in Oregon, but this bonded pair in Arizona looks like a perfect set of beefy buds.

Jade, 2, Maltese mix

Jade was difficult to photograph and not particularly fond of being on the ground, but given the circumstances, can you blame a girl for clinging? After some negotiation, we did make it out for a walk of sorts. I would take two steps, Jade would stare at me like “yeah frickin’ right,” I would sing-song “pup-pup-puppy” and crinkle the treat bag, she would bounce forward for a few more steps before stopping again…. Listen: not every dog is made for leashes. My mom had a Maltese named Toby (Little Lord Toblerone) who hated going for walks, frequently bit his favorite people, and never stopped pooping in the house, but his teeth and poops were too small to offend, and honestly isn’t it better sometimes to just sit quietly next to each other in a cool, dark room? Jade shares Toby’s silky underarms and disdain for discomfort, so I imagine she’ll be a similarly perfect indoor companion.

Rating: Jade is a Certified Soft Girl. Five out of five rosewater face mists on a cross-country flight.

RIYL: Fussy salads; Running on the treadmill > running outside; Asking the Lyft driver if it’s okay to sit up front.

Dog sommelier: There are sooo many white-haired toy breeds available on Petfinder, many with special needs. Check out darling Sheena in Chattanooga.

Wylie, 1, Siberian Husky

HUNK ALERT, WE GOT A HUNK ON OUR HANDS. A pretty face is one thing, but a pretty face with a slammin’ bod and a big, beautiful brain? Swoon. Huskies aren’t typically my type, but Wylie won my heart and showed me parts of the enclosed shelter path I had never seen before: a shady grove in which to linger over treats; a tall patch of weeds that proved excellent varmint-hunting grounds; a secluded bench overlooking the pond where a blue heron stood sentinel over the sacred space of our love. By the end of our walk, I was picturing our long life together, a montage of outdoor adventures and well-earned naps set to “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.”

Rating: Wylie, I got a crush on u. Five out of five Bop posters taped to your locker door.

RIYL: Captain America; Chris Evans in general; The legendary Edith Zimmerman profile of same.

Dog sommelier: Wylie went home already but huskies commonly show up in shelters, especially as hard-to-handle (but totally worth it) adolescents. Here’s Maako, a teen heartthrob waiting for his match in upstate New York.