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No One Is Ever Vegan Enough for the Vegan Police
Calling out other vegans for lack of vegan purity is classist and counterproductive
The first time the Vegan Police tried to arrest me for not being vegan enough was in 2007.
I was brand new in the Pacific Northwest, and my punk house was having a housewarming party. Bands were playing, we had lots of dumpstered Naked Juice, and I’d baked dozens of cookies ’n’ cream cupcakes to share (recipe from Isa Chandra Moskowitz’s book Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World). Life was delicious, exciting, and just the previous night, I’d shared kisses with a cute vegan. He was at the party, so of course, I was stoked to offer him a cupcake.
He devoured it and then asked me, “So, those were Newman-O’s mashed up in the frosting, right?” I told him they were Tuxedos, the cheap, store-brand sandwich cookies, and he lost it: “Excuse me everyone: THE CUPCAKES AREN’T VEGAN! If you’re vegan and thought you were eating vegan cupcakes, YOU’RE WRONG!”
Why did this cute guy embarrass me in front of my new community? Because Tuxedos have processed sugar in them, and sometimes sugar is bleached using charcoal made from bones.
No, really, why did he embarrass me like that? Because he fancied himself to be the Vegan Police.
