How to Give the Dog a Bath

You’re the one who decided to share your home with a hirsute toddler

Bev Potter
Published in
3 min readDec 7, 2019


Photo: MaggieLovesOrbit /Unsplash

Rule number one is “Don’t say the ‘B’ word.” This rule applies for several days before the actual event. You think they won’t remember that passing comment to someone on the phone five days ago about how “I really need to give the dog a bath”?

Hahahahaha! You’re funny.

Prepare the bathroom by draping it in plastic. You can find rolls of clear plastic sheeting in the paint department at your local Home Depot or Lowe’s Home Improvement Center.

Or, you know what? Never mind. It’s just water. It’ll dry.

Dig out the dog shower attachment thingy. While balancing on the edge of the tub like a Chinese gymnast, attempt to attach said attachment to the showerhead while repeating to yourself, “There has GOT to be an easier way” approximately 500 times.

This is the mantra of the dog owner. Use as needed.

Find dog.

Drag dog from behind the recliner, or better yet, pick dog up and just deposit her straight into the tub. If you own a Cane Corso or other giant breed, I can’t help you. No one can help you.

Do NOT turn your back on the dog.



Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is