The One Who Doesn’t Understand Lighting
No matter what time of day or night your meeting is, you can be certain that Cookie is going to be lit in a way that is appropriate for telling a ghost story but very little else.
The One Who Just Got Out of the Shower
Ossington says she was 10 minutes late to the meeting because of technical difficulties, which is true if you take “technical difficulties” to mean “waiting for the conditioner to sit for 3 minutes.”
The One Who Refuses to Use Video but Has, Like, the World’s Most Glamorous Headshot
Adonis says that he can’t get the camera on his Acer to work, which probably means he’s playing video games instead of paying attention, but at least you get to look at that extremely professional looking photo of him.
The One With the Wacky Background
There is literally no way Garfunkel is paying any attention to what anyone is saying as he changes his background every 5 minutes, then looks around to see who’s noticed it.
The One With the Random Family Member Cameos
Princess is clearly working very hard, but it’s unclear what her husband does, and why he needs to do it with his shirt off.
The One Who’s Busy With Something Else
Mr. Meow Meow is “multitasking,” which is to say, he’s graciously allowing you to watch him while he does something else entirely.
The One Who Can’t Get the Camera Placement Right
Elaine is either incapable of angling her computer appropriately or just really wants you to look at the top of her head.
The One Who Insists on Showing You Their Pet
To be fair, Frisky’s pet is a whole lot more interesting than whatever everyone else is talking about.
The One With the Cute Kid
There is no force in this world that can prevent a child from interrupting a meeting, so let’s count this one as a welcome distraction.
The One Who Is Using an iPad for Some Reason?
Maybe Precious just likes the feeling of power he gets from looking down at all of you like some kind of Zoom deity.
The One Who Is Day Drinking
Nelson needs to do what Nelson needs to do to get through the day. You’re lucky he even showed up for this meeting.
The One Who Is Showing Off a Bookcase
We get it, Archibald. You’re smarter than us. And we all totally think you’re going to just read some more German philosophy as soon as we’re done talking about the quarterly earnings.
The One Who Just Woke Up
Nothing wrong with being sleepy, but nobody has any sympathy for Bojangles, who scheduled the meeting for first thing in the morning Eastern time even though we’re all on the West Coast.
The One Who’s Clearly Just Watching TV
Ah, well. Who can blame her? Meetings are the worst.