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5 Lessons I Learned While Grieving the Loss of My Pet
Grief opens your heart in a way that nothing else does
A few months ago I lost my beloved cat, Daisy. I adopted Daisy from a shelter when she was 4 and she had been with me through five moves, three different jobs, two serious relationships and numerous heartbreaks. Daisy was my rock when I went through a moderate depression and her small, warm body on my lap or her paw on my cheek would calm my anxious mind. I think a part of me believed that she would live forever, simply because she had to, because I needed her.
Sharkin and Knox (2003) suggest that attachment to a pet can be as significant as to a family member, because pets provide us with social support free of judgement. Unlike other humans, they don’t question our political views, our career choices, or our weight. When Daisy died, my heart broke for her and for me. I am still in the process of healing, and I still burst into tears every other day, because I miss her so much. But I am moving through the grief rather than getting stuck in it, and here is what I’ve learned so far.
1. Go see a grief counsellor
It’s a thing. I contacted several grief counsellors and asked them whether they also do pet grief counselling and all of them agreed to see me.
It turns out you can grieve many losses, not just the loss of a person to death. You can grieve the loss of a relationship, of a job, your youth, and yes, of course, your pet. When someone is grieving a pet they are often experiencing what experts call “disenfranchised grief.” It occurs when “friends, family, and the broader community do not recognize the loss of a pet as a “real loss.” Lack of social support and acceptance make it more difficult to move through your grief in a healthy way.
A grief counsellor will offer you support and understanding in a culture that disenfranchises pet grief. I was wise enough to contact the counsellor before Daisy died, one day before I had to make the…
